How To Speak Up At Work Without Burning Bridges — A Framework To Deal With Difficult Managers, Set Healthy Boundaries, Ask For What You Want, Improve Your Self-Esteem And Become A Leader

In this guide, you’ll learn how to build the skill of asking for what you want without burning bridges.

When you’re afraid to speak up, you damage your confidence, self-esteem, mental health, and overall life satisfaction.

Most advice out there either vilify the managers or suggest quitting your job immediately.

Neither is a long-term solution.

When you learn to speak up and navigate challenging relationships at work you:

Learn to say no
Stop pleasing people
Can easily set healthy boundaries
Improve your self-esteem and self-confidence
Create a safe psychological environment in the workplace

After coaching hundreds of people and spending close to 1000 hours solving these challenges, in this guide I want to give you my 3-step formula.

So you can do your best work, learn, earn, contribute and enjoy your time at work.

Let’s dive into it.

When your manager does one of the following:

doesn’t give you credit
criticises you publicly
isolates you
tries to intimidate you
blames you
keeps you in the dark
tries to silence you
doesn’t support you
controls every aspect of your job
displays any type of micro-aggression behaviour
or behaves in a way you consider toxic

… understand why you get triggered.

The best tool I’ve come across to increase your awareness in these situations is The Levels Of Truth developed by Dr. William Schutz.

If you find it hard to speak up, use this tool to become aware of your level 5 of what's actually going on (truth) and then share your truth at level 5 or 4 with the other person.

Level 3: Justify — speak up but only comment on their behaviour (the other person becomes aware of his/her behaviour towards you).

Instead of sharing my feelings, this time I back up what I say with a specific example of a behaviour — thinking that this may add credibility to my argument:

“Because you <> (e.g. take credit for the world that I do and try to actively isolate me).”

The only time this is efficient is when the other person isn’t aware of the behaviour they displayed towards you.

The only time this is efficient is when the other person isn’t aware of the behaviour they displayed towards you.

Level 4: Perceive — speak up but only share the perception you have about why they do that (the other person becomes aware of your perception).

Each of us has a different perception of the same event. I go one step further in speaking my own truth when I disclose the story I created about the event:

“I think you think that <<<insert story>>> (e.g.I’m incompetent because you think that I’m a push-over)”.

Becoming aware of this story which has been influencing your behaviour in this relationship and sharing it with the other person gives you an opportunity to clarify and align both your perceptions.

Level 5: Disclose — share the fear you have with the other person (the other person becomes aware of your fear)

It’s usually this fear that inspires the stories I create in this relationship.

“About myself I fear that… <<<insert fear>>> (e.g. I am incapable, unworthy, unlikeable).”

Apart from having some information about yourself you weren’t previously aware of, this level gives you an opportunity to use some tools to remove that fear because…

This fear → may have clouded your perception of yourself (thus impacting your self-concept and self-esteem) → which may have impacted how you see and interpret other's behaviour → which may have impacted the relationship that you have with your manager and other people.

Here’s an example: Your manager is overly controlling.

Level 0: You can say nothing…it’s not professional, who knows what happens if I do…

Level 1: Or you can blame: “John, you are a control freak…”

Level 2: Or you can share your feelings: “And towards you, I feel anger and disappointment…”

Level 3: Or you can justify: “Because every time you ask me to do something you end up changing everything I do until my work is completely ruined and then you criticise me in front of the entire team. Nothing I do is good enough for you.”

Level 4: Or you share your perception: “I think you think that I’m: not good enough, useless, a pushover and incapable…”

Level 5: Or you can disclose your fear: “And my fear, deep down is that I may be incapable…”

… and now that I think about it I created this story in the past. So it’s not that I am incapable to do this job, but this fear has been present in the past.

Removing either the fear or the perception that my manager thinks of me that way will help me improve my self-esteem, my performance and my relationship with my manager.

“Looking back I started feeling <<<insert feeling - e.g. not good enough>> in school: nothing was good enough for my teacher/parent so I picked up the message that I’m not good enough. Now every time someone behaves in a way that triggers that fear, I react, get angry, and my mental health is impacted".

I don’t suffer because of what people do or say, but because my manager’s behaviour or words proved that my fear (e.g. that I’m incapable, unworthy or unlikeable) is actually true. I suffer because I never share enough truth.

Rule of thumb:

If I’m only aware and share my truth on Levels 0 to 3, I may create conflicts
If I become aware of and share my truth on Levels 4 and 5, I reduce negative feelings towards the other person and become more resourceful
The less aware I am → the more distorted version of the reality I see →the lower my self-esteem → the more stories I create.

Now that you understood what triggered you, you have two options:

Remove the fear through a deeper set of tools (not covered in this guide)

2. Clear out your perception (see below)

PERCEPTION CLEARING FRAMEWORK

To clear out your perception:

1) Describe factually what happened: __________

(e.g. the manager called me into a meeting and said a few words/ did X behaviour)

2) I chose to interpret that behaviour/those words as: _______

(e.g. I may be fired soon; I’m not good enough; he thinks he’s better than me; he doesn’t care about me; he’s trying to isolate me or belittle me; she thinks I shouldn't have this job; she can do whatever she wants and I won’t speak up or leave)

3) Emotions aside, is this story accurate or did I create this story in the past because deep down I do have a fear about myself that I ___?

(e.g. I’m not good enough; I’m lazy; I don’t actually care; I never put the right amount of effort)

4) Clear out your manager’s perspective:

(e.g. “Hey Mark, I wasn’t sure whether or not to bring this up but I wanted to check where we are after that meeting (where you were criticised)…. My intention is to have a good relationship so that I can make a big impact on this team… do you have 5 minutes to chat?... Awesome… when you gave me that feedback in front of everyone the other day … I guess… I wanted to understand what was your perception of what happened. What was going on at your end?"

Let them explain.

5) Share your perception

Avoid commenting on their personality, behaviour, or how you felt - focus on what story you created.

(e.g. “Now, here’s what was going on at my end and the perception I had…<<<insert your story and perception you had>>>")

– for example: I think you think that I don’t care about x outcome.

"When I joined the team I wanted to make sure I’m following the process. After 3 months, I saw a few ways to improve the process, so I adjusted it with the intention of giving 100% to this team.

I didn’t want to follow a process that was broken.

I was hoping that this behaviour is encouraged, so when I heard you mention that feedback in front of everyone in my head I created the story that…well, you think that I’m incapable to do something simple, a pushover because I can’t follow a simple process and shouldn’t even be doing this job...

I know that’s a story in my head. And I guess I just wanted to clarify that with you.”

There are no toxic managers.

They have perceived toxic behaviour or language because they may try to cover up their insecurities. By being open yourself, you create psychological safety which may invite your manager or other team members to open up.

That’s what leaders do.

It takes courage to do this but I see it as the only way to lead effectively – regardless of your title.

Apart from creating psychological safety, clearing out your perceptions helps increase your self-esteem because you clear out the wrong story you created about yourself (e.g. my manager thinks I’m not good enough or a pushover).

At times they may tell you that your perception is true – bingo!

Firstly, understand that that’s their perception.

It’s not an absolute truth.

Secondly, now you’re dealing with more reality and have a few options:

you can ask for feedback to improve
you can change their perspective
or you can move out of the team or company

In any case, you need to develop the skill of asking for the behaviour that you want from your manager – by learning to manage relationships:

Inclusion: Am I in or am I out?

When you don’t have a seat at the table, when you are not treated equally or when you are ignored (behaviour you see from others) you’re likely to feel isolated, insignificant, unseen – like you don’t belong (that’s the emotion you choose to feel as a result of behaviour).

The opposite can also be true: you can be too included in every single conversation or meeting to the point where it becomes too much — and feel overworked, taken advantage of, etc.

Control: Am I on top or am I on the bottom?

When your manager is too controlling or there’s too much structure, too much bureaucracy or too many processes and your perception is that you can’t have autonomy over your work —you’re likely to feel incapable, controlled, undermined, untrusted, like an impostor, etc.

The opposite can also be true: you can be given too much control without proper preparation or training or without having the right structure in the organisation — and have the same feelings.

Openness: Am I open or closed (connected to others or distant)?

When your manager doesn’t share a lot or isn’t open enough in their communications with you, then the relationship can feel superficial or distant and you may feel rejected — as if your manager doesn’t like you.

The opposite can also be true: when someone shares too much of their feelings with you all the time and it gets overly personal (e.g. complaining or speaking about what they had at dinner last night).

Virtually every situation that creates a toxic environment falls under one of these 3 dimensions

To understand more about these 3 dimensions, check out FIRO theory by William Schutz

To efficiently speak up and manage your relationships:

1. Get clear on what behaviour you want from your manager

If your manager is toxic, be clear on what needs to happen for you to enjoy the working relationship and perform optimally:

How much inclusion do you want and in what areas?
How much control do you want and in what areas?
How much openness do you want and in what areas?

Self-concept drives feelings.

Feelings drive behavior.

Behaviour drives results.

By asking for the preferred level of inclusion, control and openness you make it easier to feel good about yourself, which impacts how you show up and the results you have at work.

2. Ask for the behaviour you want from your manager, without creating additional stories about what you think they may think if you speak up

"Hey NAME, my intention is to have an amazing relationship with you and deliver 100% for this team. When you do X behaviour, my perception is Y. Is that your perception too? Instead of X behaviour can you do Z behaviour in the future?"

"Instead of criticising me in front of others, give me this feedback in private."
"Instead of taking credit for my work, give me credit in front of the senior team on the next call.

"

You may be inclined to avoid asking for what you want (withhold), because you may have a story about the story your manager has about you.

That’s just your perception.

Don’t create a story about the story your manager may have.

Ask, regardless of the stories you create.

Do not try to predict whether or not they will agree. Do not come up with additional stories

This is a skill. Regardless of:

the work you do
the people you’re surrounded by
the company you work in …

…learn to remove these BS stories. Ask for the behaviour you want, by first sharing your intention – which should always be positive.

When you remove the BS and speak up (having good intentions), you spend less time:

being annoyed, stressed, frustrated, overwhelmed, etc
managing tensions created by wrong perceptions

And you spend more time on:

being productive
enjoying your work
having fun at work

1. Your Personal Mission Statement (coming from your essence):

How do you want to relate to others, the world or yourself?

2. Your Work Purpose:

How do you want to serve others through your work?

3. The stages through which you will start and continue delivering your contribution

These could be getting a new job, starting your own business or taking on additional education.

Think big picture.

When you have a long-term vision and direction for your career, you start using employers instead of letting them use you.

And since you’ve aligned it with the person you intend on becoming and the contribution you want to make, you will be internally pulled to implement it and fulfilled when you do so.

Too Long; Didn’t Read (TL;DR)

Manage yourself: clear your perception, and learn to see reality objectively.
Manage relationships: ask for what you want – inclusion, control or openness.
Manage your career: create a strategic, purpose-driven career plan.

That's all I've got for you today.

Cheers, Silviu

P.S.: You can use this framework in every relationship: with your partner, colleagues, kids, friends, and family.

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“I was an HR director for a big multinational here in Switzerland.

I told you at the beginning, I was very confused. I had all these voices in my head telling me, ‘You can't do that. You will fail. It will never work.’

Now, I have none of these voices anymore in my head. And it's very clear what I want to do.

And I even talk to a lot of people now. I'm all out there talking to people and speaking about this.

And of course, I think 80% of the people tell me, ‘there's already so many coaches out there’.

But I don't care. They can tell me whatever they want but that's what I want to do.

During the program, the first part for me was more as a surprise and especially all the visualization exercises. Because people expect to go into 'these are my competencies' and try to identify a dream job based on the skills they already have.

I can't say the visualisation exercises were challenging because I like that. I like that type of exploration. But they were more of a surprise in that type of program.

For me, what I learned in the program was clarity and determination.

I needed to understand somehow where my career took the wrong turn. And why?

Because if I didn't, if I hadn't understood this, I would've run a big risk of going back and do the same mistake again.

Cause you know, when you have a big job, a big salary, I'm the bread-maker for my family. If I don't earn a good living, then it puts us under pressure.

There was a huge risk for me but...

The fact that we went through all this thinking process and I had this moment where I understood that THAT direction was wrong because it was not aligned with my values and with the life I wanted to live in the future with what I want.

To anyone who wants to join the program, I'd say go for it. But you need to be determined and motivated to change something in your professional life.

You need to have enough time to go through the modules. You need to have this willingness to go dig quite deep and go into areas where things that are not so nice. So be brave. For me, it was key to my transition."

“I started my career as engineer because I wanted to use my skills that I acquired in engineering school which was very interesting.

But after just three years, I knew that I wouldn't stay that much in this domain and I knew that I wanted to become sales because I was attracted by sales in the consulting. And I felt that I would like to do the job that my business manager was doing. Let's say building teams of consulting.

I did the change from consultant to sales and also business management in the consulting domain. I enjoyed it very much. I became director in the consulting domain. And my next step that I was thinking I had to do was to open my company because I would say that was the next step.

And going to Silviu was the last brick to continue my career.

Being able to follow your coaching and being able to connect and to understand really who you are made the whole difference. You could go, I would say, to people who have very good connections, in a multinational company who will drop your CV to a good table. This is not the same.

The program helped find my purpose. Be able to hear my inner self was I would say a key enabler, one of the key enablers that was helping me to propel my motivation and it give [me] a sense in what I was doing. With the exercises that was given to me reflecting on my career, or reflecting on my failures, reflecting on my successes was really, really a key.

Now that I'm purpose driven that I know that my calling is to be a pioneer, I'm much more peaceful. I know what I'm doing and I know why I'm here. And it gives me confidence.

Now I'm at Salesforce. Salesforce is an amazing company, a huge growth, unique product management.

It's an upgrade in every domain, in the salary, in the mission, in the client in the portfolio, in the team. This is an upgrade everywhere and I can say I'm blessed. I can say this. It was not easy but it's awesome.

And for me, now I know also my strength because we made this matrix of competencies.

And also, you brought also to me this capability to really work on my weaknesses and through the PDAP also, for instance and all these tools will help me to enhance myself as a person and a professional.

And I discovered something - how to listen to myself. This is something I was always struggling with because I was not able to hear my emotions. I was pushing back emotions. I was taught that we shouldn't hear ourselves.

You taught me that that's wrong. I had to hear my emotions in order to be able to be empathic to people. And the emotion has something to say.

And it's another Aha! moment that I brought home.

Now in my company I have to build a strategy and I have clarity and also kind of a compass. This doesn't give me the guarantee to reach success but this gives me confidence to know I'm at the right place at the right time doing the right job.

This is the main idea of your program and this is a coaching that enables people. I was already in a journey where I was really trying to understand who I am, etc. but you brought me even further in this understanding.

You've been able to bring my boundaries of understanding of who I am to another step. Through the psychological approach, through this inner self that is hearing and it's all outside.

You're such a genius guy. Really. It changed my life. The Aha! Moment has changed my life in a good way and ushered me, it enabled me to change myself, my life. I would say to usher me in this in this new thing. This was definitely a good decision. Definitely.

I would recommend this to anybody. For the tools that you provide and for all of those things that I was telling you before.”

"I used to look at the problem as a logistical issue. It's more about, I'm going to go back to London, and I need to find a job. And what's the best way to apply for jobs, and how should I think about things like travel, and should I just stay in my current lane?

The moment I decided to apply for the program, I definitely took into consideration the amount of experience which was being offered by Silviu and Steve. So I did a little bit of research about them.

I think that was the most important factor at the time I needed to decide before the deadline ran out.

Having someone like Steve with decades of experience, I know that he knows what he's talking about.

It was really good to have someone like Steve and Silviu on The Aha! Moment academy because this process has to be done using methods which are tried and tested.

I've had experiences with similar services previously, and I never got that feeling that the coaches were actually interested in my success.

When I began doing The Aha! Moment program, there were so many challenges while doing the exercises throughout the program. But at each of those moments, you have people on board who have seen it all.

Talking to Silviu, I really got the impression that you were there for your clients and you were really passionate about it.

What The Aha! Moment did for me was an understanding of how important it is to connect with your essence.

Number two was actually having a method, which I thought was tried and tested.

And since our last session, I've actually already landed one interview and that's just from one attempt I've made. That's quite a good breakthrough and it's in a role which I didn't think I'd get an interview for.

Anyone who is on the fence of joining this program, I would tell you of the importance of having people who have been through the process.

Steve and Silviu has so much experience applying and refining their method and have mastered the process and bring that depth of experience into coaching you and helping you.

They've set it up for me and I can't express how grateful I am. They have definitely over-delivered.

This is stuff was missing in my previous experience with coaching. All of this stuff which I paid the previous person for - The Aha! Moment Academy delivered 10 times more value."

“Before joining the program, I feel that I wanted to do something else but I didn't know what I wanted to do, and whether I could do it, or whether I just left it too late. You know, age barrier, that sort of thing. That's what I originally thought, that I couldn't... I just had to stay with what I was doing until I retired, basically.

I worked for the same company for 21 years. That's quite a long time to be working for one company, but I just thought, there's something else that I want to do.

I wasn't sure whether I wanted to get out of law, because I'm a lawyer. Whether that was the right thing to do because you've done the law degree. You've done your professional qualification. Should you just leave it all behind?

So, there was that.

I decided I'm just going to take voluntary redundancy which people thought was a bit silly in the current circumstances.

Because obviously we're in the middle of a pandemic. People were being furloughed at other companies, and people were losing their jobs, and there's more people out there looking for jobs. And I just thought, 'No, I'm just going to go with it.'

So, that's what I did.

It was so difficult to leave my current career because I think it's easier to stay in something. It's difficult to change. It is difficult to make that decision to change.

You're in a comfortable route as it were. And it's easier to stay in that comfortable track, going down your little roots, rather than turning off the road somewhere, and just doing something completely different.

But speaking to Silviu and Steve, they were completely different to anything else. And I thought, no, this is going to work. Because it made sense when you were talking to me, and I thought, 'No, this makes sense.'

And it did make sense. It's the way someone puts it across to you. Somebody could tell me all this, and the other but you guys made it simple.

It is simple when you get down to it. But other than that, it's a real uphill struggle when you're trying to decide what you want to do. And you might say to people, 'What do they know? Or, What does he know?'.

It was enlightening to actually write down things that Silviu and Steve went through.

During the program, I feel so liberated because Silviu and Steve told me, 'Okay, it's not difficult. This is what you have to do.' And I did all the coursework.

I think there's something missing somewhere, but no, this is it.

And I find it so eye-opening, if you like, to be able to say, 'Well yeah, I can do something else.' And so I just acted upon it.

The entire journey was awesome. Really awesome.

I'm one of the people that sit on the fence. I'm so skeptical, cause I'm a lawyer and I have to question things. But no, just go with it. Just trust your instinct and go with it.”

"In the last 10 years, I've been a leader in education sector. When I joined the Aha! Moment Academy, I was in a senior leadership team in a large charity within the education side of things.

I was working really long hours, holding the teams through crisis, I was already thinking about changing the job but...

The reason why I joined the Aha! Moment Academy was because I started to think about what's next in the context of:

'What do I really want in life rather than just what's my next promotion or next job?'

I started to feel a little bit tired with where I was and kinda thinking 'Do I really want to continue doing this?'

I started to feel like – 'I want to enjoy my life, I don't want to just work.'

I certainly had really poor work-life balance when I started this.

I was just working and normally in leadership positions you often do, but it was even more so than normal because it was the crisis response.

And I think what was challenging was we didn't know how long it was going to last and I felt like, I don't think I can go on forever. I was starting to feel it.

I started to reassess, what are my values, what do I want in life?

I want spend more time with my family, friends, with my partner and I wasn't doing that because I was working in a great senior position, but I wasn't really that happy.

And I think my problem was as well that I get bored quite quickly and I think I was just jumping from one job to another because every time I achieved what I wanted to achieve, it was like, 'okay, time to move on to the next one'.

I wat in that kind of wheel - if there's a problem I'm up for it.

And then I realized that I just keep doing that and I don't actually think about the why am I doing this? Why do I always want a problem or a challenge?

I joined at the point where I was just thinking about what's my next big job? But knowing somewhere deep down that I actually probably didn't want the next big job, that I've done enough of that.

Every time I take a job I felt 'this is another mountain to climb' but I keep climbing these different mountains but none were MY mountain.

During the program, it was really scary at first because I'm now my own boss. I don't have a PA to help me with things and I don't have an IT team and a finance team. I have to do it all by myself.

When I look at the mission statement I've written as part of the course of who I want to be and how I want to live my life, I look at it and say, 'This is what I'm doing'. I wanted to spend more time with my friends and my family. I wanted to have better work-life balance and not work sixty hours a week.

I wanted to do things that will fulfill me and where I feel that I really doing something meaningful.

And I do because I have coaching sessions with my clients and I leave a feeling like this was worth it. I'm making a difference. I have just made a difference to somebody's day, life, week, job, whatever it is.

After joining the program, what's amazing is, I've got the work-life balance that I wanted. I feel like I'm totally in control of my diary. I do what I do when I want to do and I still feel really fulfilled.

To anyone who wanted to join the program, you shouldn't think about that - this is too much money to spend, because what you're going to get out of it is way more valuable than the investment that you're making.

I definitely say that the combo of the program, the fact that it's evidence-based and well researched, and that you've got Silviu who's the driving power behind this and Steve, it just works! I've certainly seen it work for me.

It's brought me the results and I've not even expected those. It was money well spent and one of the best investments ever. I'd just say don't even hesitate."

"I studied to be a lawyer. I worked as a lawyer for three years in India. I wanted to change my career from law to something else.

I wanted to get into marketing which is why I went ahead and did my MBA in Marketing and Strategy.

It didn't work out. So, I worked as an Operations Manager. Currently I work as an Assistant Operations Manager in a charity in UK.

I've moved countries over the past two years and I've moved roles and functions. Well, I had been applying to a lot of roles, and not really getting either any response, or even after interviewing, I was getting rejected.

I think one real problem I was facing was that I was an outsider and did not have any London experience. Another thing was also that I did not know how to navigate the London market.

And also, I myself was not very sure about where I wanted to be, what I wanted to do, my industry function, etc. I was very anxious.

[I was] anxious in the sense that I would start working on one work stream and then jump to another. And my mind was always in an overdrive and very unsettled.

The course was very expensive for me especially I had not been earning for two years. So that was one big obstacle. Another obstacle also was I had tried this career coaching with someone else.

I was in the midst of it and it wasn't working well. It had been two, three weeks that I'd been working with that person and I was not getting the support that I needed.

I'd had a really bad experience.

When I spoke to Silviu, it was not just about working on my CV or to work on some techniques and tactics. It looks like Silviu could solve my problem of also answering what I want to do.

And also, I saw of course that you were carrying out the whole thing. But you were also associated with Steve. And I saw Steve's credentials and I saw that he has worked for 20 years or so in this field.

And he has done a lot of work, written books, collaborated with a lot of people.

So that gave me confidence that although I don't know you people, you guys have something solid versus a random guy off the internet.

What did surprise me were a lot of personal qualities about Silviu. And by personal qualities I mean the kind of support he was giving.

Silviu was working very hard to support me. I saw that he also recognized that timelines are tough when you're in the actual job market.

The program is for people who are wanting to change, or do something and define what that something is.

It's very different for people who are very clear about what they want to do in the future. It’s not just a career coaching. It is a mixture of life coaching and career coaching.

I was looking for a career coach. And the money part was, I sold the money part by saying that, ‘I need this, and if it works out, it is a good investment.’ "

“Before I joined the academy, I was teaching and I still am. I am an elementary education public school teacher and this will be my 25th year coming up in the fall. I teach elementary school and I'm currently teaching fifth grade in the United States.

I got a little tired of the all of the politics involved in education and I didn't feel like I had freedom or autonomy to really be me.

I'm given a curriculum. I'm giving a pacing guide. I'm giving mandates by the state and the federal government. Of course, I have to follow those but something was missing. And the more I worked with children, I saw their struggles and their needs.

They have a lot of social and emotional needs that are not being met in the public school. We just sort of pushed the academics really hard and I was sort of losing my steam and feeling very stuck and dissatisfied.

One day I was scrolling around on Facebook just looking for something. And I just happened to see Silviu doing a little infomercial.

He said a lot of keywords that really resonated with me, like - being stuck in your career, being unhappy and unfulfilled and you don't have to be that way.

You can really find out who you truly are and what you want to contribute to the world. And I thought that is what I'm seeking.

Silviu and Steve helped me develop a Career Plan that is very doable and I know it will be successful because I intend to do it.

Even though I had this job that felt very dead and void to me, now I can have more passion about it because I can deliver my Work Purpose in that job until I get to different stages of my plan.

I have more confidence now. I have less fear. I have more direction, clarity.

One thing I learned in this journey is, I am starting to believe that if I mess up along the way, if I make mistakes, that's okay. I used to really shame myself and beat myself up when I would make mistakes.

I would feel not good enough and not competent enough and then I would just kind of, retreat back into a shell and stop, like I can't do that.

Now I'm beginning to work with those beliefs because I'm more conscious about them. And I'm like, 'I don't have to accept this as a truth.'

These beliefs are not truths, they're just habits and beliefs that we've picked up and they're programmed into our minds and we can change the programming in our mind and therefore our beliefs. And so I am learning to do that.

I'm a teacher and that's where I am but I intend to work my Work Purpose in my job. Now I'm more intentional about it. I know who I am in my essence. I know what I want to contribute to my students and I intend to implement that.

When I go back to school, I am going to be a different woman. So empowered, so confident, knows what she wants and watch out, it's all I can say.

I can see myself getting involved in groups that maybe go to different schools, public schools, and speak to young people, speak to educators, speak to parents that work with young people and then eventually evolve into a speaking career for young people and parents and educators.

The program has great resources. The coaches, Silviu and Steve are so accessible. I can send a message and Silviu respond immediately - 'Hey, let's have a coaching call' and they can steer me in the right direction. I've not experienced that before. The coaches I've had are not always so easily assessable.

Silviu and Steve truly invested in their clients and it is so worth the investment.

Any money that anybody pays to invest in their Personal Development and Career Development is so worth it. It is just worth it. It's priceless and I am so grateful to them. I really am.

It is one of the best, to this day, personal and career development programs I've ever taken and I've taken quite a few, and this is the golden ticket right here.”

"Before this program, I was applying to various job opportunities that I felt like a good fit. But at the end of the job interviews, nothing came up. I never passed like the second round or third round of interviews. I was never the desired candidate. I never receive a job offer. So I felt something was wrong.

Then I met Silviu on LinkedIn. He [asked me] questions that led me to question myself about everything I have been doing.

After talking to him, I was able to identify my purpose and identify what I want to do at my next steps professionally and also personally.

Now I was able to apply all the knowledge given by these courses and officially have a new job now. I am going to start working for this new company following my purpose.

Right now, I am in Mexico and working with my cousin with the avocado thing. That's something I really want to do as my purpose. And I feel amazing. I feel so great that I know that I'm doing what I want and that my career is going to provide me what I need to follow my purpose.

I already have three opportunities or four opportunities, and thanks to them I was able to have this clarity to distinguish between what I want. After this clarity came, I was able to define my job opportunity and literally go for it in a good way. And this was just crazy.

It was amazing to be able to present myself as I am and at the same time be efficient with my speaking and say what I have to say in the proper way. Because I was so bad at this.

Just to tell you guys that this definitely works. Just to give you a hint, I pass from $110,000 job to a $152,000 job. Additionally, I receive all the perks and benefits that I need. This is something amazing. I cannot describe how my family and I feel about this.

What Sylviu and Steve are doing is just amazing.

After all of this, I was able to align my brain, my ideas and go forward. Thanks to this program, I was able to easily identify my purpose.

I know that is a journey. It's not easy but thank God I was able to identify this. And that's why, for me, it was easy to now say – ‘this is my purpose’. "

"I've never had a clear idea of how I am professionally. I think that's why it's always been a matter of changing one course to another or one avenue to another.

I'm creative. I'm outgoing, I like talking to people. I feed up other people's energies but I've never had a clearer idea of what I want to do in my life.

And so that's why I think finding a career that really fits me has been a very hard to quantify thing. That's why when the pandemic hit, I did have a lot of questions in my mind.

Before I joined the academy, I was working for a sustainability consultancy. I was working as a senior consultant for a lot of hours. I was probably doing 50-60 hours a week.

A lot of pressure, getting in early trying to get ahead of deadlines. Working late, sometimes working through the night. A lot of pressure dealing with young trainees and junior consultants as a senior consultant trying to manage 10, 15 projects and a lot of pressure and feeling often overwhelmed.

I was doing a role that I wasn't really recruited for. I was meant to be out and about visiting and working with companies and those projects weren't coming through. I was doing primarily a project management role, writing a lot of reports, being very desk based, which I hate doing, and then being pressured into that role as well. Then I got furloughed.

I had so many limiting beliefs about what I could or couldn't do or what I should and shouldn't explore even to the point of who could or couldn't help me.

So I've done crazy career change of different things and then I was thinking about who I could approach to ask about lecturing.

Before joining the program, Silviu said, ‘Don't judge who can and can't help you or who will or won't be the people to open up the doors for you. You tell me what you're working on and we will see where we can support you. All I care about is that I will have enabled you to professionally flourish.’

After hearing his words ‘If you have professionally flourished, then I will have done my job.’,

Joining the program, I was afraid that the money I was paying for is not going to deliver. I had quite a lot of expectations. Whether it was going to be something that would really make a difference.

And looking back, I would say it was absolutely worth the investment. It was worth the investment on not just a get another job but an investment in terms of my mental health.

What was really important for me is to have a family and to have a support network to say that this was something I could use as a positivity.

And having an outside perspective and Silviu’s advice - ‘if you do the same thing, you get the same outcomes’, is a proof that taking alternative approach is definitely worth it.

I know what I can say yes to. I know what my manoeuvrability is meant that I was still hated doing the negotiation. I still found it really difficult. But I think I had confidence that I knew my worth and I knew what I was and wasn't willing to accept.

To do a 12-week course where the structure of it is far more about who you are and what you want to do and what makes you happy. And then the career element to that, you've got so much out of it.

I’ve got so much out of it that I think I realized what I needed to do. It was more of how would I really keep the motivation and the focus.

The best word I can about the program is energizing.

I've been so glad of the support and the network and the structure and the solidity. That's given me an energy to feel this is doable and I can work on this.

Also, it is empowering because it's gives you the ability to think I can do this. And so often it feels insurmountable.

There’s always reasons not to do something. But I think having someone who's an expert and is going to give you a hug when you need a hug, and also gives you a bit of a kick when you need a kick. And it's hard to do that on your own."

"My biggest challenge before joining the Aha! Moment Academy was actually taking control of myself... making a move in terms of my career.

I just moved to the UK from the Philippines, and I was struggling a lot in terms of career. I had the career in sales and it was probably about three years I've been in sales already.

However, I was just feeling a little bit awkward with myself. This is what I want to do but why am I unhappy with what I'm doing? I was just trying to get a grasp of it.

It made me question myself a bit: ‘Am I going in the right direction?’ ‘Is this what I really want to do?’

I became comfortable in the position: 'I need to put money on the table' - the usual norms that we get from our parents or friends.

And that is when I joined the Aha! Academy. I have no regrets making that choice.

With the plan coming into place, I had to take a first step. To leave the current role I'm in but before I leave I had to have a backup plan which was obviously highlighting what am I going to do.

If I'm going to find a job, do I still know what I can do well.

Going through the modules, it was not easy as well. Trying to balance everything on your plate. Doing your usual job on top of that while having some time to work on yourself, it's not easy as well.

But when I stepped back and re-did that visualization exercise kind of helped me a lot. It helped me grow. I took the decision to just do another field sales role with a company and actually it's not a big corporate company now. It's with a startup, which I'm quite happy with.

I used all the materials that I had for preparing for the interview highlighting my brag bank. I put that all together and I brought you to the table. Also I had the implementation plan in place in the first 30, 60 day and 90 days plan.

I'm currently serving notice at my current role. It hasn't been easy with them as well. When I was doing the turnover process [exiting process], it was stressful. It feels like a heavy weight being de loaded off you.

I'm so excited. I felt like I've never felt like this before. I have that certainty that my plans are in place taking.

The biggest aha moment that I've experienced was the realizations in taking the course and having something concrete in terms of the subject, in terms of executing my goals, in terms of what do I want to do.

The exercise that we did highlighted: I was bringing genuine products and services to certain people.

That Aha! moment occurred when I took the first step.

Then the next Aha! moment that I had was obviously with the vision plan.

I was trying to put all the kind of careers together obviously. Where do I want to see myself? A lot of things were coming through my mind at the time.

I got overwhelmed to be honest. And I had to take a step back [to breathe] and then do the exercise.

With those steps that I took from the modules probably six and seven, I slowly put it together.

I was getting a little bit confused by myself but what Silviu and Steve meant when starting the journey is just put it, write it down, and then if you're happy with it, just take the step.

I’ve come so far from where I was originally.

I'm actually doing something to get my career in check.

I had the vision plan and I had my work purpose.

What Silviu said about getting a seed job to get some money on the table, it has to be aligned with your work purpose.

My journey during the program is like a Rollercoaster… in a good way. Because it's thrilling and exciting. It wasn't easy. It was never going to be easy making these choices especially stepping out of that comfort zone.

Starting the journey itself with the Aha! Moment Academy, that's the first big step I've made.

One key lesson that I've learned in the program is, you're going to have that fear but you need to take the first step. It's about being brave.

If you make a mistake in taking that first step, it's okay. At least you've tried it compared to what other people have done.

And that was the bravest thing, just taking the first step.

Also, you have to have a plan.

And I'm here now with all smiles and definitely that confidence.

If anybody was going to look into this video, I would say take the first step! Be brave and take the program.

Trust me, you will not regret it. Just be brave."

"Before joining the program, my biggest challenge was - what I'm going to do in life and what I'm going to do with myself.

How I'm going to navigate myself through the rest of my life. Because I was feeling very lost at that moment.

I've already tried different jobs, different approaches, and pushing myself through different moments in life. It was still like this uncertainty and unknown.

I could feel that there is something and I've been feeling this call for some time prior to the program.

But I could never really sit down and put it into some frames or vocalize it or I didn't really know what that is.

I've been trying different things but not really getting the results.

I tried creative like marketing agencies. I've tried freelance, I've tried even some craft work. I've tried customer service jobs. I've tried social media, advertising jobs. And it was always just saying to myself, I will figure. I'm just like, I need a job and then I will figure out what I'm going to do next.

And while I was doing the job, that was never really much time to focus on myself and figure out what I really want to do.

And then I'll find myself in a gap again and again. So that was just like a vicious circle.

The results I had after three months in the program were:

(1) Now I know that I have a lot of control or at least I have a choice. And I'm motivated. I'm much more motivated.

Just getting to know myself and there's this strength inside me that I didn't see in myself before which is amazing.

Just like getting to know my skills, my abilities for all the tools that you've provided from the choice, from payoffs, from knowing that you start with a 10%.

(2) The big part was about the beliefs and assumptions that we tell ourselves. Whether there are career assumptions, money assumptions, lifestyle assumptions.

And then actually believing and started to see that you have the power to change them.

It's not to somebody else. It's not to external conditions. You make all the choices around that. That's why that gave me lots of strength.

(3) And also helping me to find the essence or basically reconnect with the essence with my core.

It was suddenly a change. When you're aware of it and that you can act from the core of yourself.

Suddenly anything is possible. It's like, wow, there must be an amazing feeling.

It is brilliant because that gives you this strength and belief that I can actually do it.

And even if those beliefs will come back again because it's like a work in progress, then you know that like once you've learned the tools. Once you kind of start applying them.

There's no way back because you have some compass and you can help yourself to navigate for this. At least that was my experience.

One word to describe the program was CLARITY.

Just like that program, it gave me a lot of clarity.

Why? I think because what I've just said with all the tools, with all the support and having the space to explore. It is also about the environment that you provide and with other people that are on the same path and journey.

I remember before the program, I have some visions or some dreams that would be like, ‘No, you don't want to go there. No, you don't want to try it. Don't go in there in the front row. Don't try too hard’.

But now it's like, ‘Yes, I can do this. I can actually do this and whatever.’

If there’s any struggles, then I know that I have the tools and I know that I have the strength inside me that I can use for actually moving forward. So that was a massive change for me.

Because with my work purpose, I could see why I was working on it.

I could see the parts of me that have been there before, even in my childhood. But they've been just piled up with some other things when I was growing up. I started remembering those little moments that I completely forgot about.

Then I was also a part of discovering my skills that I have them and that I can merge them with life that I learn throughout my life. That's amazing, honestly.

What also helped me a lot was this approach when I've learned that things like to treat whatever happened in me in the past and whatever's going to happen in the future, treat them as experiences and try not to judge whether that is good or bad.

That was also a game changer to me. And it helped me to be more compassionate towards myself as well.

This and that happened. You just move on and learn from that or use it to help you even just like to develop better.

To those who are on the fence of joining the program, just go for it. Don't think twice. Seriously.

In the beginning it might not be something that you are entirely looking for. But you might be really surprised on your journey. But it's so worth it.

It gives you strength and gives you courage. It empowers you.

It gives you more freedom and what you think that you can do and what you're capable of."

"Before enrolling in the program, I was in advertising, and I had been in advertising for a few decades. It really hooked me. It checked a lot of the boxes for me because I got to help businesses be prosperous and expand and people to stay employed.

Agencies are such fun environments to work in. It attracts the outgoing and wildly creative people. Very stimulating environments to work in.

But I had begun to become discontent that there wasn't enough socially redeeming value in the work that I was doing and I wanted to be of more direct help.

And then boom… I got laid off due to Covid!

I thought this is my opportunity to make that change, to make that shift that I've been feeling coming on for a while.

Well, and it's too easy to do that when you're relatively happy. I was making very good money into six figures.

You know, I had nice benefit package. I had vacation. I was, um, at a managerial level. So I had a seat at the boardroom table in terms of the direction of the company. And I was training people, and I love to train and teach and mentor and pour into managing an administration.

That's what kept me there for as long as it did. There was a lot of things that I was really happy with.

But when in your soul something is saying, I'm happy, but it's not enough. Meanwhile, there's this voice in your soul going, I'm not happy. Maybe the rest of you is, but I'm not, we're not doing enough.

Before joining the program, I talked to people, googled some stuff, went to some the odd class.

I had explored around on there but the piece that I was missing was the profiling of the strengths and the interests and the aptitudes and the abilities to sort of match things up.

All I knew was that I wanted to offer more direct help.

this boiling point of frustration all the years I was told that my business experience equated to a university education, because I don't have any post-secondary.

I only have my grade 12 but I've managed to teach myself along the way and read everything and just be a sponge.

And it worked. I had success in my career.

As I said, I was at a senior managerial level and all of that.

And I've done international work and so much fun. So much fun. Then I get laid off, and all I knew about job hunting was throw a resume, throw a cover letter, pray to God.

So then I find out about this great new tool, the applicant tracking system and the filters that employers put on it that say, post-secondary out go, and I can't even get an interview.

I can write a resume that I look good on paper, but to compensate for that lack of post-secondary, I need to get in front of someone.

If I talk to them, I can get them to see that I have value to offer, but I can't get an audience because the applicant tracking system has annihilated me.

So I took this course, which was what connected me to the Academy.

And this course was comprehensive in the fundamentals.

Everything from computer skills to resume writing, to cover letter writing, and, and so on and so forth.

It was the academy that blew the doors wide open and said, ‘You don't have to be defeated by a lack of post-secondary education.’

Here in Alberta, we are particularly challenged, our true unemployment rate in Alberta is something like 25%, because we had a downturn of oil in 2015, and a lot of those people have fallen off the government records, but they're still unemployed to this day.

I'm not 25 anymore. That makes employers consider me a liability. I have to overcome the object, all the objections, and there's a whole list of them to being a mature worker. I'm in a market with 25% unemployment, and I don't have any post-secondary education.

I was trying to get happy about being a barista, and that wasn't working.

And then along comes the Academy and says, ‘Did you know about seed jobs? Did you know about purpose hacking?’

And then also gave the actual templates of the emails and the scripts of what to say when you connect.

And all of a sudden, I had tools. I had strategies I could make a way where there seemed to be no way.

The Academy is mind blowing and transformative to me.

And now I have landed a job. It is a job that is of direct help, but it's temporary only.

But now I have these tools that the Academy provided. I can use inside the organization to advance as well as if I wanted to go outside of it.

I've identified my work purpose which gives me so much inner peace that I'm not failing.

That I'm targeted and directed. Fulfilled and transformative. Absolutely transformative.

This is not taught anywhere. This is the gold standard. The keys to the kingdom.

In Calgary, you can't swing a dead cat and not hit 10 unemployed people. So I've got lots of friends that haven't chosen to avail themselves of tools such as yours, and they think they're just going to send a resume. I’m like, it’s not going to work.

But it gets you in touch with who you are and what your values are. And if you don't know, how can you carve a path forward?

From where I sit today and the journey that the Academy put me on, I can contrast myself with my friends who know none of this.

And I really fear for short of a lucky bounce how they're going to succeed. Because they're not equipped, their eyes aren't opened, they don't have the tools, they don't have the strategies.

The Academy gives you tools and strategy. It gives you workarounds like purpose hacking is a brilliant workaround.

I truly believed on a stack of Bibles that I was going to carry on in advertising and satisfy my soul with volunteer work.

And when the Academy comes along and says, ‘No, you don't. Here's a plan of progression. You can get a seed job.’

It was like someone threw a rope to me in the Quick Send and said, here you can come out of this quick send here.

This is how I almost feel a bit ashamed that I thought that I was just stuck forever. But it was like this the Academy said - Here's the road paved with Gold Walk on it.

After the program, I've got this seed job. It isn't just a survival job.

it's a job where I am like directly helping. We're in the middle of a pandemic. I'm in the trenches in the healthcare system fighting. It's fantastic.

And the Academy helped me write the cover letter and resume that made that happen because I have no background in healthcare.

I have no experience in healthcare. I have no healthcare education. But you do a lot of teaching about how the hiring people think.

Having a plan and knowing that there's so many avenues you can learn about is so exciting, it's so validating.

There's a forward momentum. I almost feel pulled forward because I can't wait for an opportunity to purpose hack somebody's butt at my employer now because I don't think anybody does that.

In the interview for this job, I asked a question that the Academy taught me to ask. And it was a phone interview but you could tell the person was rocked and she paused and you could hear the smile come on her face. And she said, ‘Nobody has ever asked me that.’ And I knew I made a lasting impression with that one little step.

I went from a mature worker that nobody wants in a 25% unemployment market with no post-secondary education in the middle of a pandemic to the job I'm in now.

This just brings a smile not only on my face but in my heart.

I don't care about the battle. I'll fight the fight. I'll get in the fight but I need to know I've got the ammunition to fight.

And that's what the Academy gave me.

It made me not helpless anymore. You can't be an independent adult and feel helpless. It destroys your mental health.

This entire journey that the Academy helps is I would say transformative.

And to those who are thinking to begin this journey, I will say….

You don't know what you don't know. And if you aren't good to you, who will be?

This is the keys to the kingdom. This is the ticket, this is the tools, this is the equipping, this is the strategy. This is the, this is the, the, the battle prep that you need that's going to take you out of the ditch and back up on the road.

I've listened to people sort of get comfortable with being in that ditch, being in that rut. I've seen people shrug. Oh well, what can I do? Don't stay there. It's only more misery. Avail yourself of the what is offered here, and it will change your life."

"Prior to joining the academy, I didn't know what I wanted to do. I was suffering from imposter syndrome, and couldn't see a clear path of progression because I never stopped to understand what elements of my work I actually enjoy and what brings me value.

This made me feel frustrated and anxious that I didn’t have a plan. It made me lose the feeling of value within myself. I had tried self-help / motivational / find your purpose books.

Joining the academy, I initially felt like I had nothing to lose and lots to gain, and I’m glad I did.

The initial interaction with Silviu was a moment where I felt a connection with him and that I’d be able to work with him.

I was debating and trying to work out which path of permanent employment / contract / consulting would be the best path for me, and through this academy I got there.

After taking the academy, I felt cathartic. The academy itself at points makes you dig deep and understand things about yourself much better.

The academy doesn’t try to make you fit into a path, instead it enables you to understand your journey, and yourself and hone in on what feels good for you and where you as a person get value from the work you currently do or things your not doing yet.

I also felt I gained some clarity and perspective on myself, understood fully why my journey had taken me to where I was and felt empowered to be in control of my own future & destiny.

If I didn't have this as a starting point I wouldn't have made this decision and embarked on a new way of working which suits my lifestyle, allows me to give back and contribute to my purpose.

Had I taken this academy 10 years ago, I truly believe I would have had much more of an idea on how to approach my plan on how to get to where I want to, and would not have fallen into the trap of making some of the same mistakes over and over again.

After I started this journey, I feel like weight has been lifted off me because I was able to work through the academy and get to a point of clarity about my purpose and a plan to get the things I want from my career on my terms.

To everyone who are on the fence of investing to this program, just do it.

Its gonna feel tough at times, but this is one of the best investments I've made in myself.

If you want to feel like your work in life and your purpose are connected and get to a point of clarity from chaos in your head this will definitely help you.

Best investment you are going to make is the one in you."

"Before the program, I'd owned my own business for about seven and a half years. It was just a small retail shop. I just felt like it is time to move on for several reasons. I've been working hard at trying to actually sell the business and get out of it, and then I finally got out of it and I thought I would know what I was going to be doing. And it ended up that I had no idea what I was doing.

The first couple of modules were probably the most challenging in the program.

Going out and talking to people and exploring a lot of those personal assumptions was very difficult. And it wasn't exactly the most fun. It was hard to get through, it was challenging.

And looking back, there were surprising amount of things I didn't expect. Some of the actually smaller exercises that we did like the five clicks for me was really weird but that was probably the biggest AHA moment of the entire thing. It was like everything just snapped into focus.

By the end of it, I feel like I have a completely different outlook altogether with just how I approach things is dramatically different than before.

Before it felt like when I was applying for jobs, I've just got the kind of get this done and hurry up and just get whatever you can and just go for it.

Whereas now, I need to actually take the time and think about what jobs do I actually want.

And then it is a much more almost I get to the enjoyment of choosing now instead of being maybe they'll choose me. Now I get to go out. I can thoughtfully and very carefully plan my application and I have trust that I know what I'm doing now and that I can actually get the job done.

Also before, I thought I knew what I was doing and what people were expecting of me, but now I have a much clearer understanding of where I'm going, what I'm doing and getting rid of a lot of those personal assumptions on this whole process.

So rather than trying to assume that I know what I'm doing or assume I know what they're looking for, I actually go out and actually explore and understand what they're looking for.

Having the clarity and having the tools to go through those assumptions feels awesome. The best word to describe it would be just freeing.

I recommend the program because it really does build on everything that was in the beginning and it's very difficult to see how it really comes all together at the end, but it's absolutely worth it. A hundred percent worth it, and it will be hard, but you should definitely do it."

How To Speak Up At Work Without Burning Bridges — A Framework To Deal With Difficult Managers, Set Healthy Boundaries And Ask For What You Want

Step #1: Manage Yourself - Clear Your Perception, And Learn To See The Reality Objectively.

Step #2: Manage Your Relationships - Ask For What You Want Without Burning Bridges

Step #3: Manage Your Career: Have A Plan In Case Nothing Changes

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